Funny quotes-friends from UHS

A highlight from high school with my friends is the infamous quote book. We put together 3 books of quotes that are from friends, fellow students, family members, and so on that we heard in the halls or on tv. Very random things. This is the first of 3 posts of quotes. These are my personal favorites from my close friends at Urbandale. Enjoy! (There are no last names. You know who you are. :) )

Jessica- Bell, bell, bell, bell, bell. Hahaha! That's bell 5 times!

Johanna- The whole purpose of my life is to ruin yours.

Johanna- Whoa! These weights are heavy.

Jessica- I don't say stupid quotes. I say dumb quotes.

Jessica- I think I hear trains with mice on it.

Jessica- I don't like this. I still don't like this. Well, it's okay. No, I'll give it to my my. Or I'll throw it away. I didn't throw it away dammit!!

Jessica- My head hurts from thinking too much.

Me- Beep, beep, beep-that's not funny!

Jessica- Liz- that's Liz with one z.

Me- I don't want to LEARN about the army!

Johanna- We're going to study the art of accounting with our tongues.

Me- Are you reading sideways again?

Me- Since when were you left handed?

Jessica- I'm not a ditz am I? Are you a ditz? No, I'm not a klutz! A ditz and a klutz are the same thing. You have to be a ditz to be a klutz.

Jessica- I was picking it off the roof of my tongue.

Johanna- I am the toilet fairy!

Gabe- Get the axe and kill him some more times. Maybe he'll actually die this time.

Jessica- My head hurts. So stop thinking. Who said that?

Gabe- My plants need support.
Grace- So get a bra for it.

Gabe- She's already dead and gone to college

Gabe- That just tickled my beans.

Gabe- I used to hang with the crowd, but the crowd can't help me now.

Me- I get to take Jeff's butt prints to Utah!

Me- Do you turn your head inside out?

Johanna- I've got to put my pants on in the parking lot.

Gabe- You shouldn't be making me molest myself.

Jessica- Isn't Jeff's middle name Ruth?

Johanna- It's a potty party!

Jessica- I'm not stupid. I just act stupid.

Jessica- Did you notice that the arrow was right side up and when you look through the hole it's upside down?

Jessica- I can't catch, obviously. Where did it go?

Me- Unknown. Are they really there?

Gabe- Do you want to manage your menopause with me?

Gabe- I don't associate with dumb juniors.
Johanna- But you associate with Liz.
Gabe- She's not dumb!

Me- I don't want to eat my guys right now. I just want to suck on them.

Me- A ring? why would they put a ring in their poo?

Me- Dehydration is when you take out the air and smoosh them.

Jessica- Don't take my alien away!

Me- Whose car is farting next door?

Bethany- What are the consequences of the fall of Adam?
Me- Eve gets laid.

Jeff- Just because I'm huge doesn't mean my immune system doesn't work.

Me- I thought you said "I'm gonna scare your boobs."

Jessica- What does JS mean? Jessica Sofen?

Me- Ew! Blub!

Me- They stick on brackets, put in wire, stick on the bands and say bye bye.

Gabe- Watch me salivate. Mark my words. Write that down. Give it to Liz!

Gabe- I don't have an anus.

Johanna- I feel parallel.

Gabe- That's the only thing that matters- I think I'm funny.

Gabe- Congested flem!

Gabe- Itch my chin and call it a day!

Jessica- I spelled the word out, I didn't actually write it. Wait, how do you spell write?

Johanna- I got hit in the eye with a car!

Johanna- You took your thumbs off?

Johanna- 986-3300
Jessica- That's a long way away. 3300th street?
Johanna- That's his phone number!

Me- Click it! Click it! You'll enjoy it!

Johanna- Somehow the name Elizabeth Bird and the word adult don't quite go together.

Adam- I think that Elizabeth needs a CAT scan.

Johanna- Well, that just brightens up my day.
Me- What? Your face? Those faces?

Adam- The rest of you are in the cadillac section of the latrine.

Gabe- Hear my stomach rumble to the sound of music.

Me- Can I cry? It's a good idea. I'm going to right now!

Bobby- Whoa, look at her go! Zoom, zoom baby!

Johanna- You're stupid
Scott T.- I don't know...

Matt- It would be cool to be both a guy and a girl. Then you could screw yourself and nobody would know.

Me- I have a hole.

Johanna- My head feels minty.

Terry- I wish I had claustrophobia.

Me- My feet are sick.

Me- There's People! THERE'S PEOPLE! You have won a million dollars. Please hang upnow.

Terry- My first and last name have very long hair to accent it.

Terry- Do you have a wiggle in your coat?

Terry- We got to go when the ladies fart.

Johanna- Terry, I'll never cheat on you again.
Terry- That scares me.

Matt- I don't believe in sitting.

Me- I parked in the middle of the river!

Johanna- He gave me a physical in his truck.

Gabe- Swollen shoes!

Terry- I don't want to be on steroids so I can be a boobless man when I die.

Terry- We got 2 types of people- the superfreaks and the Amish! They are both my favorite people.

Jessica- Back in 4th grade I was actually smart.

Terry- I can't see you anymore. Maybe I'm losing my eyesight.

Terry- No wonder I'm a psychopath. You turn me off.

Matt- You were born to babysit me!

Terry- Don't pull my back hairs! They are special to me!

Johanna- I'll buy you a drink.
Mandi- Okay, as soon as I get undressed.

Matt- I might be a woman inside.

Me- When things hurt, I suck them.

Gabe- I hate low mirrows. Then I can't see how low my boobs sag.

Jessica- Nutty ass hole!